Taking a break

I am going to take a break from social media for a little while, and this picture is the reason:

"Back to where we first met for a picnic. Working on the vows we'll say to each other in 50 days." 14 Likes.

The evening involved a picnic, red wine, a sunset and tears. 

When it's not picture perfect, I have this feeling that everything is following irrevocably apart. This is not how it's supposed to be. I have this idea that the things in my life are supposed to be great and put together. Probably at least in part that's what everyone displays of themselves. I feel like my life is supposed to be lived through these picturesque moments where I can hem in the fray, crop out the rough edges and put all of  my favorite things on display: the friends I love, the scenery I love, the man I love. It's like a trophy case. It's like if other people approve or hell, if they're jealous, then the goal has been accomplished. 

But here's what I realize looking at that picture: I need a break from trying to convince myself through snapshots that life is anything other than a wonderful mess. I want to forever remember our date on that rock: reminiscing about how we met, enjoying creation and time side by side, and talking through what exactly we are going to promise each other when all we really want to promise each other is the whole friggin shebang. But I also want to remember the crying and the trying so hard to understand each other and the challenges and the reconciliation. I want to remember the messy, because that's who I am and that's how I want to be loved. Because when life is perfect, or when I pretend that it ought to be, I avoid all of the things that make it worthwhile. Growth. Depth. Sincerity. Redemption. 

So all of this is to say, I love that social media keeps us connected. I love seeing pictures of my friends' world travels and their joyful moments of romance and their big adventures and their new homes and their smiling friends. I love seeing what they love, and I love sharing what I love. I'll be back, I just need a break to treasure these things quietly in my heart (Luke 2:19). I need to learn to love the messy and not put picture perfect up on the pedestal. I also just want to remind anyone who feels like I sometimes do that what is on display is probably only a fraction of the story, and it is probably the airbrushed part, but the mess matters.