I wish I never did anything half assed. I wish I had the passion and the commitment to pour my heart into what I am studying and invest myself so deeply in knowledge that it could serve me for a lifetime. I want to take the risks and live in the questions, fighting for what is right and fighting to make Love known.
Alas, I wrestle with the fence. I wrestle with problems that are so big that indifference threatens to steal all the oxygen away from the flames. I wrestle with being one person, with the desire to be selfless and optimistic in a world that wants me to be the opposite. I wrestle with the practical, with the financial, with the desire to bury my head in a hole and let someone else's fire consume the issues. They'll fix it. I'll live in my comfortable bubble with cotton in my ears and an ice pack on my chest to dull the aching in my heart. I'll smile and raise 2.5 kids in a suburban delusion with a house and a dog. Maybe also a cat.
This alternative seems, sometimes, very soothing.
you've got a blog!!!! i'm totally going to stalk you.
ReplyDeleteone day at a time, my friend, one day at a time. god can do all that stuff you listed above. you've got a willing and eager heart--that's what he wants. i'm feeling extra full right now, so i'll spill a little of my cup over for you. i probably owe you one anyway! call you want to chat.